


How Did I Fall Away?

by newmaggs



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Based on a dream I had, Cute, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Smut, Past Child Abuse, Supernatural Elements, joshler - Freeform, mild ocd, pink haired josh, this is going to be weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8912608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newmaggs/pseuds/newmaggs
Summary: Tyler finds serenity in being dead. Josh is stuck reliving old habits. They are two lost souls who find comfort in one another while helping a small green eyed child heal.





	1. I'm Tyler

Tyler is running through a fog filled forest. His black vans crushing leaves and twigs with each crash to the ground. He doesn't know where he's going or how he got here it’s like he just woke up running. His heart is beating faster then he is running and he doesn't recognize his surroundings. He can't remember much but somehow he knows he's an athlete, but that doesn't explain his newfound stamina. He's been running a while now and he hasn't felt that familiar pull of his muscles or running out of breath. Now that he thinks about it he doesn't feel anything familiar it's like he's floating and his body is on fire. The farther he runs into this forest the more he feels this unfamiliar feeling of being on fire. 

He sees a big house with three levels and stops in front of it. It looks old, it's made out of red bricks and has vines wrapped all around it. The front door is missing and the surrounding area looks to be unkempt like no one has been here in years. Despite its abandoned look he hears music and people all around him. Through the heavy fog he sees people both inside and out of the house. There's a woman in what looks like an olden times dress sobbing while clutching onto what looks like a bundled up baby. There is also two men in more modern day clothes arguing loudly nearby over some unfaithful woman. He can also see someone through one of the cracked windows playing a violin in front of a small crowd. The feeling of being on fire intensifies and there's a pounding inside of Tyler's head. The more people surrounding him the more claustrophobic he feels. All his senses are being overloaded and he has a great desire to get away. He needs to find somewhere quiet so he can figure out just where he his and why he's here. 

He heads around the back of the house not entirely sure what it is he's looking for. The more he moves the more his body screams at him. He feels around his chest, arms, and neck for any type injury but finds nothing. No explanation for why he feels ghost flames licking his skin and bones. His legs are getting heavier with every step, when he turns the corner he trips over a pile of rocks and falls face down.  
“What the hell?” Tyler hears someone say. When he looks up he sees a guy around his age with wild pink hair looking down at him a look of annoyance on his face.  
“You messed it up!” He spoke again hand pointed at the pile of rocks at Tyler's feet. Tyler looked to the pile and back to the strange man in front of him.  
“Sorry, it was an accident” He spoke standing up. As soon as he was upright he let out a hiss of pain from falling and from the heat building up in his skull. The man ignores him tending to the fallen rocks. Piling them onto one another.  
“You’re new here aren't you?” The pink haired man asked not looking at Tyler, completely focused on his task.  
“I don't know where here is” Tyler replied rubbing his temples wanting to releave some of the pressure in his skull. The pink haired man stopped and let out a sigh.  
“If you want the pain to stop you have to eat something from this side” pink hair said. Tyler didn't know what he meant by “This side” so he just stared at the man confused. Pink hair stood up with a huff and walked over to a nearby tree. Tyler looked around and noticed all the different piles of rocks, leaves, bottle caps, pencils, pens and wrappers everywhere. All size and color coordinated either lined up or in a neat piles. There has to be at least a hundred different piles both big and small all around this area behind this house. Tyler officially thought this guy was insane. What was he doing hanging out behind this house surrounded by garbage?  
“I don't have any food so here, eat this” Pink hair was back and holding a small beetle between his pointer finger and thumb.  
“No way man!” Tyler couldn't believe this guy wanted him to eat a bug.  
“What are you a vegetarian or something?” pink hair asked still holding out the beetle. Tyler scrunched up his eyebrows in disbelief. Was this guy serious?  
“Look, if you don't eat something the pain won't stop and you will eventually lose your mind. When I woke up here I had the worst headache” Tyler just stared at this crazy guy in front of him.  
“If you don't want the bug, eat a leaf or something” Pink hair said. Dropping the squirming beetle onto the floor in front of Tyler before walking off towards a small pile of sticks. Tyler watched him carefully straighten some twigs from tallest to shortest while trying not the think of his skin screaming at him. His pain raged up and down his spine and something in him he was starting to believe this wild pink haired man. Everything was starting to get blurry so Tyler sat down up against a tree and hugged his knees.  
“My name is Josh by the way” Josh said looking up from the collection of sticks in front of him.  
“I’m Tyler”


	2. The Answers Don't Lie Here

Tyler doesn't recall falling asleep but he wakes up covered in sweat. When he tries to move his body protests. Everything is still blurry and he feels like he is choking but he sees something or someone walking up to him. He gives his head a little shake trying to make out the small form in front of him.  
“Josh?” Tyler calls out with a cough but gets no reply. As the small form gets closer Tyler’s eyes meet two big bright green eyes. Why do they hold so much fear? Tyler is able to relate to that level of fear. The green eyes belong to a small boy he looks to be around 7 or 8 years old. He has big brown curly hair, a button nose and looks dirty and lost. Tyler wonders where his parents are. As the boy gets closer Tyler realizes he has an arm stretched out and is handing him something. Even though his body aches with every movement he takes whatever this boy is offering him. It looks like some sort of bread or cookie.  
“For me?” Tyler asks. The boys doesn't reply but makes an eating gesture implying that it's edible. Tyler takes a bite and immediately starts to feel energized. Like his brain is being cleared of all the fogginess that won't allow him to think. He shoves the rest of the treat in his mouth and finds it easier to move and the heat building in his head starts to disappear.  
“Hey what are you doing!” Tyler recognizes that the voice belongs to Josh. The small boy's eyes widen and he takes off as fast as he can jumping over all the large tree roots covering the forest floor. Tyler watches him disappear behind the trees it's almost like he knows exactly where to go. Maybe he's not lost after all Tyler thinks to himself.  
“Who was that?” Tyler asked sitting up feeling much better.  
“Just some little kid, he is always knocking over my piles” Josh replies holding a large pile of sticks in his arms. Josh dropped to his knees and lets the sticks fall to the ground. He starts to sort them and Tyler notices he is whispering something to himself but he can't make out what he is saying.  
“What...what are you doing?” Tyler asked. Josh looked up at him for a moment then continued working.  
“You wouldn't understand” Josh finally replied.  
“Most people don't understand. So I stopped explaining” Josh added on. Tyler was confused by this and couldn't shake the feeling that Josh was completely alone. Tyler stood up and walked toward him.  
“It's not right. It's just not right. Why can't I get this right.” Josh whispered quietly to himself sorting all the sticks in front of him like his life depended on it.  
“Maybe I can help you?” Tyler offered kneeling down across from Josh he arched his head down trying to catch Josh’s gaze. He didn't get a reply so Tyler stared at the man in front of him. He noticed the frustration running through the man's beautiful brown eyes. His skin was so pale and Tyler loved the small freckles that dusted his cheeks he also had a tattoo of a tree completely covering one of his arms. His hair was also intriguing so fresh and pink. Why does he look like he is in so much pain? How long has he been here? These questions lingered in Tyler's head.  
“I like your hair.” Tyler broke the silence. Josh froze and looked up timidly.  
“You don't think that pink is girl color?” Josh asked almost confused.  
“Of course not” Tyler replied. A smile spread across Josh's face as he looked completely up and Tyler melted, he has never seen such a beautiful smile. So big and so honest.  
“So what's with the sticks? I promise I won't judge” Tyler asked in the most respectable way he could.  
“Well, I’m trying to put them in the right order” Josh looked down again like he was staring at a puzzle. This confused Tyler how do you organize sticks in the “right order”.  
“What’s the right order?” Tyler asked. Josh looked pained and shifted slightly.  
“Well… you know… the big ones go with the big ones… and the small ones with the small ones” Josh stumbled over his words not making eye contact, unable to explain his compulsive ways. Tyler nodded wanting to understand. Josh just stared at the two piles in front of them and felt like they weren't good enough. Something was off and he can't figure out what. Josh notices a tan hand with three tattooed bracelets reach down into the small stick pile pulling out a short but very thick stick and place it into the big stick pile. Josh gives one nod in approval. Of course, Josh thinks to himself he should also consider thickness not just length. Josh then moves a thin stick from the big stick pile and puts it in the small stick pile. Finally the two piles look right and Josh nods and smiles looking up at the man sitting across from him. He has such a small frame and his brown eyes match his fluffy brown hair. Josh can't help but love the curve of his nose and his long eyelashes. He also notices that Tyler has black bands tattooed on one of his arms.  
“I like your tattoos.” Josh said staring at Tyler's arm.  
“Thanks I like yours too” Tyler smiled pointing to Joshed arm. Josh ran his hand up his arm.  
“I got this when I was alive” Josh said his voice laced with sadness.  
“Alive?” Tyler asked confused Josh stared into Tyler slightly panicked eyes.  
“Yeah...You do know that you’re...that were… you know” Josh tilted his head trying to be sensitive.  
“That i'm what?” Tyler asked already knowing the answer deep down. The answer to why he is in this forest and why he doesn't feel quite like himself.  
“That you’re dead” Josh finished his sentence ringing his hands together nervously.  
“Dead? But I don't… remember dying” Tyler said staring at his hands in disbelief like he was expecting to be able to see through his limbs like every move he has ever seen about ghosts. But his hands were just his hands.  
“I don't remember either” Josh said in almost a whisper.  
“I just woke up here” Josh said gesturing around him. Tyler wrapped his arms around himself and listened.  
“I can remember bits and pieces of my life but the longer I’m here the harder it gets to remember.” Josh explains looking down.  
“And the longer i'm here the harder it gets to fight my need to organize things, I thought I was over this but this place just messes with your head you know” Josh says running his hands through his hair remembering the day he dyed his hair and how excited he was. He was excited to try something new and get out of his comfort zone. When he was alive he thought that dying it would help with this compulsions and it did, but now that he was dead all he wanted to do was rip it out.  
“How long have you been here?” Tyler asked completely overwhelmed with this new information.  
“I don't know… months….years” Tyler let out an disbelieving breath. Does that mean he was also going to be stuck here? He thought to himself. Tyler shook his head wanting to cry.  
“So if we're dead is this heaven or is this…?” Tyler said with a shaky voice not wanting to finish his sentence. Josh looked at Tyler sympathetically not knowing the answer.


	3. Hope is a Definite Maybe

Time didn't have the same effect as it did when Tyler was alive. It passed a lot faster Tyler watched the sun rise and set 3 times but it only felt like a day had gone by. He also didn't feel hunger or cold, he didn't feel anything familiar. He didn't need to sleep but did anyway because there was nothing else to do. He started to understand why Josh would fall back into his old habits when there was absolutely nothing to do.  
“So is this what you have been doing this whole time?” Tyler asked passing Josh a rock that was near him so Josh could place it in the correct pile.  
“Not at first. I wandered around for awhile and went into the town near by, but my energy was drained whenever I was around people for too long” Josh explained and Tyler nodded understanding.  
“Plus other people make me nervous” Josh added timidly.  
“Do I make you nervous?” Tyler asked noticing that Josh's cheeks started to turn pink like his hair, this makes Tyler smile. Josh loved the dimples that formed on Tyler's tan cheeks.  
“You’re different” Josh said staring at Tyler only about a foot away from him. Tyler has never been very shy so he leans closer to Josh wanting to feel those pink lips. Josh leans in slightly, too shy to make the first move so Tyler does the honor and closes the space between them. There lips meet and Tyler is infatuated with the way Josh feels against him so soft and true. He can't get enough of him and runs his hand through Josh’s hair pulling him closer. Josh can't believe that someone as beautiful and perfect as Tyer would actually like him. They break the kiss breathing hard and giggle before they start to kiss again unable to get enough of each other. Tyler stops the second kiss when he hears someone near them. Josh's hears the snap of twigs and shuffling of leaves as well and they both stand up.  
“Who’s there?”Josh calls out. Tyler hears a small gasp and the small boy from before stumbles and falls out from behind some shrubs landing on his face.  
“Hey, I know you” Tyler calls out rushing over the the fallen boy. The young boy quickly gets up and backs away from Tyler big green eyes full of fear. Tyler stops and holds his hands in front of him to seem less threatening, not wanting to scare off the boy.  
“I’m not going to hurt you what's your name?” Tyler asked taking a small step toward this young boy wanting nothing more than to help him.  
“He doesn't talk, trust me i’ve already tried” Tyler heard Josh's voice from behind him.  
“Are you hurt? Where are your parents?” Tyler asked desperate for answers. The boy didn't answer his big eyes darting around almost like he was looking for a way to escape.  
“You saved me didn't you?” Tyler said as he got down on one knee trying to look less intimidating. The boy locked eyes with Tyler and nodded.  
“Thank you for that” Tyler said with a smile. Then it hit Tyler if he is dead and Josh is dead this boy is probably also dead that made Tyler’s heart hurt. He was probably all alone.  
“If you’re afraid you can stay with us” Tyler offered wanting to comfort this frightened boy. The boys eyes darted back and forth from Josh to Tyler and finally gave a small nod. The young boy took a few small steps forward looking around before pointing to one the the nearby piles that consisted of two green bottle caps, a green pen, and a green Yo-Yo. Tyler arched one of his eyebrows.  
“Do you want the Yo-Yo?” Tyler asked and the boy nodded his eyes filled with excitement. Tyler walked over picking up the Yo-Yo Tyler frowned when he realized it didn't have a string attached to it.  
“Oh here I might have a string!” Josh said heading over to another pile where be picked up a thin string. Tyler gave Josh a baffled look.  
“What? You would be surprised of the things I find around here” Josh said as he walked over to Tyler attaching the string the best he can to the Yo-Yo and finally handing it to the boy who looked up at Josh timidly.  
“He might look scary but he is a big teddy bear” Tyler said from behind Josh. Josh just smiled and let out a low chuckle. The boy smiled for the first time then held one finger up to the side of his nose. Josh tilted his head slightly confused by this gesture before realizing that he has a nose ring.  
“Oh, my nose ring! Do you like it?” The boy shook his head pouting.  
“Does it make me look scary?” Josh said in a playful voice. The boy nodded looking up at Josh. Josh decided it was time to take it out and unscrewed the ring holding it in the palm of his hand.  
“I’ll put it in the shiny things pile” Josh told the boy walking over the a pile that consisted of a silver change and couple pieces of scrap metal that Josh came across.  
“Now i’m not so scary right?” Josh asked and the boy nodded walking closer to where Tyler was standing. Tyler watching the whole situation occur and fell in love with the way Josh was so soft and gentle around this little boy. Maybe being dead won't be so bad after all.


	4. You Belong With Us

The sun rises and falls 13 more times and Tyler feels a strange calmness one that he has never felt before. He also wonders why he's here. Why they are all here? Maybe this is heaven? He thinks as he looks over to the young boy they decided to take care of. Josh has given him a black marker and green marker that he has collected over time and the boy is trying to copy Josh's tattoo onto his own arm. Scribbling onto his arm the best that he can. Josh sat across from the young boy holding out his arm as a reference so the young boy could attempt to draw the massive tree onto his own arm. Josh offered to help draw it on for him but the green eyed boy refuses to be touched. Tyler desperately wants to know what his name is, he hates having to call him “boy” or “him” everyone deserves a name. Tyler vaguely remembers when he was alive he would walk around a nearby cemetery. He remembers the sadness that weighed him down whenever he passed the unmarked graves. All the unclaimed people buried without so much as a name. Josh looks over to Tyler noticing the way he is lost in thought He smiles when Tyler makes eye contact. 

“Do you like Josh’s tattoo?” Tyler asks as he walks over to sit up against Josh and across from the boy. The child looks up and nods before finally completing the drawing on his small arm. Tyler looked over to Josh wanting to feel those lips again but controls himself so he doesn't gross out the boy sitting across from them. It's like Josh reads his dirty mind and gives Tyler a lustful look, raising one of his brows and giving a small smirk before letting out a small laugh. Tylers thoughts are broken when he feels a small hand grab his own. He is surprised to see that the boy had grabbed his hand he then points to Tyler's tattoos before pointing to his other arm the one that doesn't have Josh's tattoo drawn on it. Josh is also surprised by the young boys action.  
“Do you want to draw Tyler's tattoo too?” Josh asks in a soft voice. The boy shakes his head then hands the black marker to Tyler. Tyler and Josh give each other a confused look.  
“Do… do you want Tyler to draw the tattoo on your arm?” Josh asked expecting a no but to his surprise the boy nodded furiously before turning to his side and offering his other arm to Tyler. Tyler feels honored that this young boy is giving him his trust. He uncaps the marker and starts copying his own tattoo onto this young boy's arm. It doesn't take much time before he is done.  
“There, now you’re half Josh and half me!” Tyler tells the young boy and a smile spreads across his face. He stands up to look at his new marker tattoos. This is the happiest Josh and Tyler have seen him Tyler rests his head on Josh's shoulder and enjoys watching the boy walk around admiring his new “tattoos”. Josh wraps an arm around Tyler's small frame and rubs his back Tyler can feel the smile spread across Josh's face and doesn't want this moment to end. 

Six more suns pass and the three of them are on their backs looking up at the stars. Josh has one hand behind his head with his side pressed to Tyler’s who is laying on Josh's other arm and the boy is resting his head on Tyler's stomach using him as a pillow. The boy has been more comfortable with touching lately especially from Tyler. Tyler runs one of his hands through the boys curly hair and notices that he is now sound asleep.  
“Do you miss being alive?” Tyler asks in a whisper.  
“Sometimes” Josh replied honestly  
“But you guys make me forget” Josh adds Tearing his eyes away from the night sky.  
“Forget what?” Tyler asks  
“All the pain” Josh replies turning his head to look at Tyler completely.  
“I don't feel the need to control everything as much now that you are here” Josh says as he plants a small kiss on Tyler's forehead. Tyler understands and has noticed that Josh has been spending less time trying to stack his piles in “the right way.”  
“How about you?” Josh asks and Tyler makes a hmmm sound  
“Do you miss being alive?” Josh clarifies. Tyler thinks about it for a second. He honestly can't remember much about being alive or how he died.  
“I don't think so, whenever I try to remember my life all I feel is emptiness. I have this feeling that I didn't belong. Like i’m supposed to be here for some reason” Tyler replies moving closer to Josh.  
“You... belong… with us” Tyler's head snaps to look at the source of the small voice. It came from the boy laying on his stomach his eyes are now open and staring up at Tyler. Josh and Tyler stare back in disbelieve, this the first thing the boy has said anything. Tyler smiles wide he doesn't know how he ever got lucky enough to be surrounded by such love.  
“Thank you” Tyler said running a hand through the green eyed boys unkempt hair.  
“You belong with us too” Josh tells the young boy. The green eyed boy looks away not believing Josh’s words.  
“He says I don't belong anywhere” The boy spoke in a whisper as if someone else would hear. Tyler and Josh give eachother a panicked look.  
“Who? Who said that to you?” Tyler asked trying to hide the dark feeling in his gut.  
“The man who killed me” The boy spoke softly with a defeated look on his face. Tyler wanted to cry at this new information. Why would anyone want to hurt someone so small and innocent. Josh felt anger growing in his chest, he never understood how anyone could harm a child.  
“He can't hurt you anymore” Josh said wanting nothing more but to hug the green eyed boy.  
“I escaped” The boy spoke again. Josh and Tyler just listened.  
“He hurt me so I ran away and then… I found you… you looked hurt so...I helped” The boy said slow and softly his voice sounding like he hasn't spoke a word in a while.  
“Yes, you helped me and now I want to help you” Tyler spoke looking to Josh for reassurance.  
“Do you remember your name?” Tyler asked. The boy scrunched up his eyebrows with frustration.  
“No… he took my name” The boy finally said starting to cry softly.  
“He took everything. All my memories and… and even my voice” The boy said with a small sob holding on tightly to Tyler's shirt. The only noise was the boy's small hiccups and sniffles. Tyler looked to Josh unsure of what to do, he wanted to comfort him so he wrapped an arm around him pulling him close to his chest spooning the small boy. Josh turned to his side aswell to spoon Tyler. Together they made a small spooning train with Tyler in the middle. Then Tyler did the only thing he felt that he could do. He sang. 

“Down in the forest  
We'll sing a chorus  
One that everybody knows  
Hands held higher,  
We'll be on fire  
Singing songs that nobody wrote.”

He sang slow and soft running a hand through the boys hair. He had no idea where this song even came from it just poured out of him like he has sang it a hundred times before. He sang until the boy fell asleep then he slowly drifted of to sleep himself wrapped in Josh's arms.


	5. Dark Eyes Will Wait

8 more suns pass and Tyler can't help the heaviness in his heart. The thought that someone hurt such a sweet boy was stuck in the back of his mind. He doesn't even want to think about what he meant when he said he escaped. He escaped what? Something in Tyler relates to that feeling, escaping from something. Tyler decided he doesn't want to think about it anymore and heads to where he can hear Josh nearby. 

“Five, four, three, two, one… one, two, three, four, five” Josh says quietly to himself. His back is up against a tree and he is counting each of his fingers on his left hand pinching the tip of each finger as he counts them. 

“Five, four, three, two, one… one, two, three, four, five” Josh says over and over again. Tyler watches him unsure if he should approach him, he looks like he does not want to be disturbed. 

“Whatcha doin?” Tyler asks taking a seat next the distressed man. Josh jumps a little at the sound of Tyler's voice then forms a small smile. 

“Nothing” Josh replies running his hand through his hair. 

“You know you can talk to me right?” Tyler tells him gently, he would hate for Josh to suffer in silence. 

“Yeah I know” Josh lets out a little huff. 

“I’m just worried about the kid” Josh adds looking off to where the green eyed boy is stacking pine cones until the the pile gets so tall it falls over then starting over.

“Who is that guy he was talking about?” Josh finishes silently counting his fingers again. 

“I don't know” Tyler says softly he sees that Josh is still counting each of his fingers and decided to lace his hand in Josh’s. 

“But I do know that he is safe now. Here with us” Josh squeezes Tyler's hand gently at his words.

 

It's become a habit that whenever the sun goes down the boy asks Tyler to sing him to sleep. Tonight Tyler is holding the boy's head in his lap while Josh sits next to him. Once he is asleep Tyler gently moves his head onto a folded up jacket. 

“Your voice is amazing” Josh whispers wrapping his arms around the smaller man. Tyler blushes turning his head to plant a kiss on Josh's lips. Josh’s hand lands on the back of Tyler's head lacing his fingers in his hair and the kiss intensifies. Tyler is pulling Josh closer unable to get enough of him. Tyler reluctantly breaks the kiss and stands up giving Josh a lustful look before reaching for one of Josh's hands pulling him up, leading him behind a nearby tree. Once they both feel they are far enough from the boy Josh shoves Tyler up against a tree planting wet kisses down Tyler's jaw followed by his neck and collarbone. Tyler is writhing beneath Josh lips trying to keep quite pulling on Josh's hair when Josh nips Tyler neck between kisses. 

“Josh” Tyler moaned rutting up against Josh wanting any type of friction.

“Tell me what you want baby boy” Josh spoke in Tyler's ear low and lustfully. 

“You… I want you Josh” Tyler spoke his voice a wreck. Josh pulled off his tee shirt and laid it on the floor in front of them before gently pulling Tyler's legs out from under him and laying him down. Tyler ran his fingers up and down Josh's chest admiring the galaxy of freckles covering Josh's shoulders and chest. Josh then pulled off Tyler's shirt admiring the tan skin and beautiful tattoos that scattered his chest. He then continued kissing down Tyler's neck and chest then down his stomach before he was hovering over Tyler's crotch. Josh looked up asking permission with his eyes. Tyler nodded furiously pupils blown with arousal lips parted raw and pink. Josh unzipped and pulled down Tyler jeans before running a finger under Tyler grey briefs teasing him for a moment longer before tugging them off. Tyler flushed his cheeks turning rosy at being completely exposed, Josh hovered over Tyler kissing his lips long a lazily before he wrapped a hand around Tyler's shaft. Tyler moaned in Josh's mouth at the contact and Josh moved his hand slow at first then steadily faster. Tyler arched his back at the sensation.

“Wait” Tyler spoke and Josh stopped his hand looking down at Tyler with concern.  

Tyler pawed at Josh's jeans. He managed to pull down both Josh’s jeans and briefs in the same motion before wrapping his hand around Josh's rock hard member. God Josh is so beautiful Tyler thought to himself as he watched Josh's cheeks turn the same shade as his hair. They moved in synch with one another and kissed hungrily. Tyler was the first to cum with a loud moan that he tried to suppress by biting down on his lip. Josh followed shortly after their cum both landing on Tyler's chest, mixing together. Josh still hovered over Tyler. Josh then lowered himself down licking up the mess they made on the smaller man's chest and stomach making eye contact with Tyler the entire time. Once Josh was satisfied with his work he let himself fall next to the smaller man. They laid shirtless together for a while Tyler made short lazy circles on Josh's chest before letting sleep embraced them both.  

 

“Josh!”

“Josh!”

“No! Please stop! Josh!”

“JOSH!” a small voice cried desperately. Tyler and Josh were pulled out of their lul at the heart wrenching cry. Josh shot up not bothering to pull on his shirt. Taking off in the direction where they left the boy. The sun was still down so Josh knew they weren't gone for very long. Tyler followed shortly after his heart loud in his ears he pulled on his shirt as he ran. He jumped over branches and roots that covered the floor. Josh was faster than he was but he wasn't far behind. As Josh got closer he saw a tall man with dark hair and darker eyes with his hand wrapped in the boy's hair dragging him deeper into the forest.  

“You thought you could just leave! I told you that you wouldn't get away” Josh heard the man growl at the boy. The boy thrashed around clawing at the man's hand in his hair as he was being dragged across the forest floor. As the adrenalin coursed through Josh’s veins he didn't even have time to think about what he was doing or what he was going to do. He tackled the man landing on top of him throwing punches that landed on the man's jaw. Tyler watched as Josh attacked this rather large man, the man had sharp features and dark hair. He rushes over to the small green eyed boy who was sobbing. 

“Are you hurt!?” Tyler asked as he pushed the boy's hair our of his wet face. The boy simply wrapped his arms around Tyler's neck and sobbed. Tyler held onto the boy regretting leaving him alone. When he stood up and the boy wrapped his small legs around Tyler. He saw that Josh was still on top of the man hitting him over and over in the same spot with great force. The man had lost consciousness a couple punches ago but Josh kept hitting silently counting each blow. 

“Five, four, three, two, one… one, two, three, four, five” Josh counted each punch through grit teeth wanting each one to be harder than the last. 

“Josh!” Tyler yelled holding the boy's head onto his shoulder not wanting him to see Josh with such rage on his face. 

“Josh!” no reply. 

“JOSH!”

“Josh please stop!” Tyler yelled desperately not liking this side of Josh, the desperation in Tyler's voice pulled Josh out of his trance. He looked down at the man his face covered in blood. Josh despised this pathetic excuse of a man. Somehow Josh knew as soon as he looked into his dark eyes that he was the man that killed the small boy. He was the man that took his voice away. That put the fear that still lingered in the boys eyes. It was like Josh could feel his horrendous intentions. Josh got off of the man looking into Tyler's terrified eyes, he was holding the green eyed boy as he cried. Josh looked down at his bloody hands.

“I’m sorry” Josh whispered feeling ashamed that Tyler had seen him like this. Tyler held his hand out for Josh to take. 

“Come on let's get out of here” Tyler spoke as Josh took his hand. Josh looked over his shoulder one last time looking at the unconscious man. Josh wishes that he could kill him.


	6. Unreachable Destinations

 “We have to leave” Tyler tells Josh, still holding to the clinging small boy in his arms. The sun is rising and the boy is still crying. Soft sniffles loud in Tyler's ear. 

“Somewhere far from here I don't want that man to come back” Tyler tells Josh panicky as they are walking back to where they previously were. 

“Where will we go?” Josh replies as he picks up his shirt that was abandoned on the floor and throws it on partially covering up the tattoo Tyler loves so much.  

“I don't know anywhere but here” Tyler’s voice full of desperation. Josh lets out a little sigh knowing that Tyler is right, but he can't help feeling afraid of leaving the place he has occupied for so long. Josh’s knuckled are slightly bruised and he still has some blood staining his hands. He wipes them onto his dark jeans. 

“Okay let's go”

 

They haven't been walking long but the boy seemed to have calm down. When Tyler asked him if he was alright he gave a small nod. Josh reached for the small boy to give Tyler a break and placed him onto his shoulders in a sitting position. Josh held onto his legs for stability while the boy gently held onto Josh's pink hair. Tyler admired the boys change in mood in being so up high and being able to see everything around them. As they continued walking the boy would occasionally raise his hand to run his fingers through a low hanging branch covered in leaves. 

“You need a name” Tyler broke the silence looking up at the boy on Josh's shoulders. Josh still holding on the boys legs turned to Tyler. 

“I think that's a good idea” Josh replied. 

“How about david?” Tyler offered, the boy scrunched up his nose rejecting the name.

“What about Jacob?” Josh chimed in looking up to see the boys reaction, he shook his head not liking the name. 

“What about Chris?”

“John?” 

“Benji?”

“Sammy?”

“How about Travis?” 

Every name Tyler and Josh recommended the boy immediately rejected. 

“I don't want a new name” The boy finally said shutting up Tyler and Josh’s spew of names. 

“I want my name” The boy explained

“The one my mommy gave me” The boy added on softly looking down at Josh's hair. Tyler didn't know what to do, how was he supposed to find this boys name? He looked to Josh hoping he had an answer.

“I remember there was this lady” Josh said suddenly after a few moments of silence like he stumbled upon a forgotten memory. Tyler gave him a look implying he wasn't following. 

“There was this lady in town that asked if I needed help, no one else could see me except for her” Josh explained while Tyler listened intently. 

“I think she was a medium or somthing. I was so freaked out that I ran right back to the trees.” Josh finished.

“Do you think she could help?” Tyler asked 

“It’s worth a shot” Josh said looking up at the boy on his shoulders who nodded along. 

 

“This way” Josh pointed off in a different direction as Tyler followed. After a few more feet Tyler starts to see the outskirts of a town and even a few people walking around going about their day. Josh feels the boys grip on his head tighten. 

“It's okay, they can't see us” Josh tells the boy giving him a reassuring squeeze on one of his legs. They walk past a few houses before making it to the more populated part of the town. They pass a flower shop, a bakery, then a small pet shop. As they walk by a window that has puppies displayed all the tiny dogs start barking and clawing at the glass. 

“I think they see us” The boy said full of excitement. Josh gently sets the boy down so he can get a better look at the puppies. Tyler wrapped an arm around Josh as they watch the small child press his nose to the glass and giggle at an excited puppy that is yipping at them while jumping up and down. Josh notices the shop worker staring at the puppies odd behavior. 

“Come on, we should go” Josh tell them and the boy grabbed onto Tyler's hand as they continue walking down the shop filled street. The town is a little run down and there is not many people walking about and Tyler likes that. He has never loved crowded shopping centers. 

“Were here” Josh says and they stop in front of a small shop with a neon sign blinking in the window saying “psychic”. Tyler notices that Josh is silently counting his fingers picking up on his anxious state.  

“She will help” Tyler tells Josh softly hoping to calm his nerves. 

“What if she tells us something we don't want to hear.” Josh replies looking down at his hands. 

Tyler reaches for the man's hand and catches his gaze. 

“We can do this” Tyler reassures him

“Then we are going to go find a nice abandoned house to haunt” Josh smiles wide and bright at Tyler's words. 

“Yeah we’ll make it spooky” Josh replies wiggling his fingers in the air in front of Tyler who laughs at his gesture. 

 

The inside of the store is decorated with tapestries on the walls and crystals throughout the store. The smell of incense burning fills up the place giving it a cozy feel. There is a young woman at a small reception table. She has long brown hair and soft cinnamon skin. She is filing some papers and doesn't seem to be able to see them. They walk closer and Tyler waves his hand in the air in front of her but gets no response. 

“Maybe she can't see us” Josh tells Tyler. As soon as Josh spoke the woman stopped what she was doing and looked around the room as if she expected someone to be there.  

“Sarah! I think we have visitors” the woman called out suddenly towards the room in the back. A short older woman who they assumed was Sarah walked out. She had light grey hair tied in a bun at the top of her head and staring directly at Josh, Tyler, and the young boy. 

“Hello, are you lost?” the older woman spoke. Tyler looked to Josh surprised that she could see them. 

“Were not lost but we could use some help” Tyler explained. The woman looked them up and down before giving a small smile. 

“Hello again” Sarah said directed at Josh who gave a small timid smile while fidgeting with his fingers. She then gestured for them to follow her. They were lead into a small room decorated similar to the previous and they all sat around a small round wooden table.

“My name is Sarah” She spoke softly taking off her glasses and cleaning them with her shirt. 

“Hello Sarah this is going to sound crazy but-” Tyler started his long explanation but was immediately cut off.  

“You’re dead” Sarah interrupted putting her glasses back onto her face.  

“All of you” She continued getting a better look of each of them. 

“Yes” Tyler said relieved that she understood.

“We're here for him” Tyler told the woman inferring to the small boy who timidly looked at the floor. 

“He doesn't remember his name and we were hoping you could help give him his name back” Tyler explained putting a hand on the boys shoulder. 

“Oh well I could try, give me your hand honey” Sarah spoke reaching a hand across the small table. The boy looked to up at Tyler who nodded reassuring him that it was safe. The small boy took Sarah’s hand. 

“So much pain” Sarah spoke sympathetically closing her eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your mother” Sarah spoke again and the boy was flooded with old memories from when he was alive. His house being broken into, his mother being killed, being kidnapped by that man. Being held hostage by that sick man. The boy ripped his hand from Sarah’s hand not wanted to remember anymore. Tyler hugged him before he started to shed small tears. 

“What the hell was that?” Josh demanded. 

“You’re stuck in purgatory. All of you” Sarah explained simply. 

“What does that mean?” Josh asked. 

“Something is keeping you from moving on, you have all suffered greatly and your souls won't move on. So, you linger in purgatory. If you stay in purgatory for too long you’re soul falls into incurable madness and confusion.” Josh and Tyler trade horrified looks at her words. 

“I can help to the best of my abilities. But it will be painful” Sarah continued calmly like she has done this before. 

“Your souls refuse to remember life before death but we must remember to help guide us onto our next journey. Once you remember the cycle of repression will be broken and your soul can cross over and rest.” Sarah explained.

“Your mother is waiting for you Noah” Sarah spoke and the boy snapped his head up at the mention of his name. 

“Noah! I’m Noah! My name” Noah spoke excitedly finally remembering the sound of his mother's voice speaking his name when she would call him in for supper. That empty feeling pulling in Tyler's gut was finally gone now that he knew his name was Noah. 

“If we do cross over, will stay together?” Tyler asked full of hope. 

“It’s possible” Sarah said thinking long and hard. 

“Give me your hands and I will be able to tell you” Sarah asked Tyler and Josh holding out both her hands for them to take. Tyler and Josh hesitated for a moment but placed one of there hands in hers. Sarah immediately smiled and lets go of their hands. 

“Just as I thought… you two are soul mates” Sarah said pointing to Josh and Tyler. They stared at each other and butterflies danced in Tyler stomach while Josh tried to hide the blush that creeped onto his face. 

“You two will stay together, Noah will be reunited with his mother” Sarah explained. Tyler couldn't hide the disappointment on his face. He has grown to love Noah.

“But I can’t say that you will never see him again it is possible to find each other on the other side.” Sarah said giving hope to Tyler and Josh. 

“Well what do you say?” Josh asked Tyler lacing his hand with Tyler's under the table. 

“Want to spend eternity with me?” Josh spoke and Tyler couldn't have said yes faster. 

“Let's do it. I’m ready to remember” 


	7. I'm Ready

Tyler sat across from Sarah with Josh’s hand intertwined with his own and Noah on his other side. The fact that he is going to have to remember his life and his death causes his heart to speed up. Tyler was sure that Josh felt the same way. Josh, his soulmate Tyler didn't believe in soulmates until he felt those lips against his own. Josh was terrified to say the least he desperately didn't want to remember, he purposely avoided any memory that made itself into his mind. But he had to do this, he desperately wanted eternity with Tyler.

“Okay who’s first?” Sarah spoke her hand held out of the table for someone to take. To all of their surprise Noah reached for Sarah’s hand first.

“Okay i’m going to work as an antenna and channel your memories through you. Are you ready?” Sarah asked and Noah nodded giving Tyler and Josh one last look before closing his eyes.

 

As soon as Noah closed his eyes vivid memories flood his senses. He remembers being cold and hungry in a locked closet his bones ached and he desperately wanted his mom. He heard footsteps and dreaded what was to come. He doesn't know how long he has been here or what day it was but he does know that he is about to dragged out by the man that took him and forced to touch him, then beat before being stuffed in the closet again. He refused to cry because that only made it worse. The closet door swings open and he is pulled out by his hair just like all the days before. Today is different because he is dragged into the living room instead of the bedroom. He is thrown near one of the couches while the man poured himself a drink in the kitchen, muttering something to himself. Noah takes his chance and runs towards the sliding door on the other side of the room. After he unlocked the door he is met by the cold snow filled night, but anything is better then here.

“Get back here” Noah hears the man yell angrily after him as he runs through the snow in the same pajamas he was wearing when he was taken. Noah heads towards the closest house as fast as his legs would allow him but the man is stronger and faster. Merely a few yards from the next house he is being pulled by the back of his shirt. Refusing to be dragged back into that house he fights to the best of his ability and yells for help at the top of his lungs, desperate for anyone to hear. He remembers the pressure on his throat and not being able to breath, his pleas being cut short. The mans large hands restricting his breath and his lungs shrivel unable to fill with the air he desperately desired and everything went black.

 

Noah opens his eyes and he is back with Tyler, Josh, and Sarah. Tyler giving him a sympathetic look with tears brimming his eyes. As soon as he feels Tyler's hand on his back he relaxes remembering that he is safe. Noah doesn't know when he started crying but he feels like he has a big weight lifted off of him and he feels lighter.

“You did it” Sarah speaks giving Noah's hand a squeeze.

“You can pass over whenever you’re ready” Sarah says giving her head a tilt looking behind Noah. Tyler Josh and Noah all look to where Sarah was looking and they see a woman with the same curly hair and green eyes that belong to Noah.

“Mommy!” Noah exclaimed wiping his eyes with the back of his hands and running to be in her embrace. Tyler watched Noah run to his mother and felt mixed emotions. Happy he was reunited with his mother but sad that he was leaving. Josh sensed Tyler's grief and rubbed his back lovingly. The woman who is now holding Noah walked up to Tyler and Josh her presence was overwhelmingly calming and full of love.

“Thank you” She spoke softly before disappearing in front of them. As soon as she and Noah were gone the room seemed to get a little darker.

“Alright Josh you’re next” Sarah spoke holding out her hand. Tyler watched Josh's chest rise and fall rapidly and squeezed one of Josh’s knees. Josh slowly took Sarah's hand before giving her a nod, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

 

The first thing he remembers is the smell, the horrendous smell that was trapped in his house that he was unable to escape from. His house filled with what he considered garbage but his mother refused to get rid of. Piles, some taller then him of clothes, plastic bottles, VCR tapes, clothing hangers, toys, cigarette butts, anything you could possibly think of crammed into their small two bedroom house. After their father left them five years ago Josh's mother has collected and piled garbage high enough to shut herself out of the world. She quit her job not too long ago because she suspected Josh was throwing out her things while she was gone. The only room in the house that was untouched by the mess his mother created was his room, which he kept spotless. He doesn't understand his mother's hoarding after his father left he knows that he definitely doesn't miss the regular beatings that his father gave him.

This particular day was different because this would have been his parents 20 year anniversary. His mother had been crying the whole day and she had brought back another empty alcohol bottle that she found, the same drink that was his father's favorite. She already had 74 of the same bottle and Josh didn't know why she would need 75.

“Another one? I thought we talked about this?” Josh asked his mother.

“Dont okay not today” His mother replied sharply.

“Mom” Josh protested

“SHUT UP JOSH! He wouldn't have left me if it wasn't for you!” His mother yelled clinging onto the new bottle.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE A FAGGOT! That's why he left!” his mother screamed while crying. Josh’s blood boiled his father was an asshole that never took care of them and his mother was defending him. Josh grabbed one the bottles that she kept on the shelves and threw it across the room. It shattered when it hit the wall and he threw another and another.

“Maybe I should be like him then?” Josh yelled breaking another bottle.

“Maybe I should just yell and break things and hit my wife and kid! huh? “ Josh said throwing another bottle and another it felt good to break something. When he went to pick up another bottle his mother slapped him in the face as hard as she could. This stund Josh his mother had never laid a hand on him. He dropped the bottle in his hand and ran to his room leaving his mother to cry. As he walked into his room he slammed the door behind him causing the picture of his mother and him to fall off his dresser. Something snapped in Josh's mind at the thought of something being out of place in his room and he started throwing all of his belonging across the room. Destroying everything that he once cared about. Once his rampage was over he took two of his OCD pills the same pills he stopped taking over a year ago, that he though he no longer needed. Then he took two more and then another two and another two. He counted out each pill to himself.

“Two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty” His prescription bottle only had one more pill sitting at the bottom and he swallowed that lonely pill as well.

“Twenty one” he said to no one as he layed on his bed and everything went black.

 

When he opened his eyes he felt like he just conquered the world. He felt lighter and the anxiety that was always in the pit of his stomach was gone. It was just him, Tyler, and Sarah.

“Welcome back” Sarah spoke and Josh let out a breath that was stuck in his throat. He wiped his wet eyes of the small tears he didn't mean to shed and gave Tyler a hug. Tyler noticed that as soon as Josh let out a relieved breath his demeanor was completely different. He was sitting up straighter and fidgeted less, he was calmer. “Tyler, are you ready? Once you’re done you can cross over together” Sarah spoke breaking Tyler out of his thoughts. Tyler placed his hand in Sarah's wanting to get this over with and closed his eyes.

 

Tyler remembers his backyard containing a large field and ending at the edge of a forest. He is shooting his 500 required basketball shots to be able to earn his dinner. He is graduating in 3 months and the need for a basketball scholarship has increased. His parents have been especially harsh on him the last few months and have been making him shoot 800 baskets on Saturday and Sunday. They didn't even give him a break when his best friend Chris killed himself earlier in the semester, January 11th to be exact. Chris had always joked about killing himself to Tyler but Tyler never thought that he would actually swallow that hypothetical bullet. Once his 500 baskets are made he makes his way inside to shower and have dinner with his family. He sits with his family like he does every night and they talk about the same dull things that they talk about every night and Tyler can't stand the fakeness of it all. The way his siblings fight for the attention of their parents, doing absolutely anything just to hear “good job”. The way his parents speak ill of all the “sinners” that go to Tyler’s school. The kids that dye their hair and have piercings. Of course they also talk of Tyler getting a basketball scholarship, going to college, getting married and having 2.5 kids.

Tyler always plays along, nodding and agree with everything his parents say, playing the part he is suppose to, not daring to tell them that he skipped his last two basketball practices to use the piano in the music room. He had written a song about Chris and wanted to hear how it sounded on a real piano not the toy one his mother gifted him years ago. Tyler loves the heaviness of real piano keys and the deep sound that fills the room. After dinner Tyler knows that he should be doing homework but he throws on a hoodie and heads to his favorite place to listen to music, his treehouse.

 

It’s cold out but not cold enough for Tyler to turn around. He makes the short climb up the ladder and lays flat on the floor of his tree house staring up at the wooden ceiling remembering how he build this small home with his father. Tyler wonders how his father will react when he tells him that he doesn't want to go to college or play basketball or marry a girl. Tyler reaches for his headphones that were left on the floor from the night before that landed under a small shelf. His hand finds a small box instead and Tyler pulled it out curiously. It's a box of matches one that he hasn't seen in years. Tyler pulls out a sticks and strikes it on the box admiring the big orange flame that grows in front of him before blowing it out. He does this three more times wondering how much it would hurt if he tried to touch the mesmerizing flame. Tyler lets the next match burn until it almost touches his fingertips then tosses it onto the ground with the others. The flame hadn’t completely died down and a small flame began to form. Tyler admired this larger flame in front of him and watched it slowly grow. He should put it out he thought to himself. He should run away, get out, tell someone. Tyler ran through the list of things that he should do. Should put the flame out, should go to college. Should get out of the burning tree house, should marry a girl. Tyler watched as the flamed engulfed the walls and ceiling. Felt the heat on his face, the smoke in his lungs but he didn't move, in fact he layed back down and closed his eyes.

Tyler expected to see black but he didn't, he felt arms pull him from the flames. He heard an ambulance siren, he smelled sterile hospital air and heard a heart monitor beeping steadily. His mother cried softly begging Tyler to please wake up.

 

Tylers eyes snapped open and he was back with Josh and Sarah. He still felt incomplete like he still needed to escape.

“Oh no” Sarah said pulling her hand out from under Tylers.  

“This has never happened before” she said in disbelieve

“Honey you’re not dead” She tells Tyler who can't believe what he is hearing.

“What do you mean he’s not dead? That doesn't make any sense” Josh says not understanding how Tyler could possibly be alive.

“I… I’m in a hospital” Tyler says slowly beginning to realize that he was pulled out from the tree house, that he was hurt but not dead.  

“You’re soul must have left your body and was somehow trapped in purgatory” Sarah said offering an explanation that even she didn't fully understand.

“You need to go back, you haven't done what you were born to do yet” Sarah continued and Tyler couldn't believe it. How could he possibly go back? How could he just leave Josh here, his soul mate. The man he has fallen in love with. 

“But.. We're supposed to stay together. You said we were soul mates!” Tyler spat full of anger feeling that he was lied to. Refusing to even consider what Sarah was trying to tell him. 

“You are, but sometimes your soulmate passes before you. It happens” Sarah explained feeling pity for the two.

“Go” Josh spoke barely above a whisper, Tyler turned to face Josh expecting an explanation

“It's okay, go back Tyler finish what you need to finish, you can do it” Josh finally said. Tyler couldn't believe that Josh would suggest that he would leave him.

“I’ll be waiting for you on the other side” Josh spoke cupping one of Tyler's cheeks in his hand brushing his thumb lightly over his cheek. Tyler leaned into the touch.

“But I just found you… I’m not done loving you” Tyler replied his voice beginning to shake tears threatening to spill.

“You have done more for me then you could ever imagine. Go Tyler live your life, find someone, have kids, have grandkids. Don't let me stop you from living from _really_ living. Promise me Tyler that you won't do anything that will send you right back to purgatory.” Josh spoke desperately, grabbing both of Tyler cheeks in his hands kissing away each tear that fell from Tyler's eyes.

“Promise me you will stay alive. Stay alive for me” Josh whispered between kisses.

Tyler understood what Josh meant and nodded.

“I promise. Promise me that I will see you again” Tyler asked sniffling and covering Josh's hands with his own.

“Of course baby boy i’m gonna save you a place in heaven right next to me” Josh spoke his mouth smiling but his eyes filled with sadness. Tyler grabbed one of Josh's hands and kissed his fingertips. Josh grabbed Tyler's face and gave him one last kiss, one last tender kiss, one that didn't say “Goodbye” but said “I’ll miss you” They pressed their foreheads together for a moment before Josh gave Tyler's a tiny kiss on the nose and disappeared. The room felt empty and dark. Tyler wiped his wet eyes before turning to Sarah.

“Okay i’m ready to go back”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for letting me purge this weird story and thank you for reading!!! Feedback is always appreciated!


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